What are your criteria for having a good day? If you’re an idealist like me, chances are your criteria for what constitutes a good day may be sky-high. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this per se, but for those of us who suffer from cyclical mood disorders, having too high criteria may lead to us having fewer good days, which reinforces negative thought patterns (ex., “I haven’t had a good day in months. My life is worthless!”). On the flip side, criteria that are too low may make the designation of a “good” day seem pointless to our analytical brains.

Our definitions of “good” may also vary with the seasons. For example, when I’m at peak functioning, my definition of a good day includes:

When I’m in the throes of a depressive episode or riddled with anxiety, a good day may include:

I recently realized that I’m a high-maintenance person. Not in a materialistic sense, but I have to be much more vigilant than others about my health and wellness routines to feel “okay.” When “normal” people neglect their health and wellness, they may feel crummy, but they can still function decently. When I neglect my health and wellness, I end up glued to the couch for 72 hours and calling the suicide prevention hotline.

I’ve always known that I was a high-maintenance friend. I require lots of communication (preferably daily) to feel secure in my friendships. But it wasn’t until this week that I realized this applied to all aspects of my life, not just relationships. I used to view my high needs as a source of shame, but I’m slowly learning to accept them as a feature of how I’m wired vs. a bug to be fixed. Maybe someday, when I’ve been stable for a long time, I’ll be able to adjust these features in one way or another. For now, I’m learning to work with who I am instead of who I think I should be. Enter: The Values Pie Chart.

The values chart is broken into three sections: foundational values, supplemental values, and bonus/optional values. Foundational values are the things you absolutely need to continue living. Think: health, strong relationships, spirituality, etc. These are the things that make life worth waking up for. Next are supplemental values — things that may not have tons of value to you in a vacuum, but are necessary to support you in maintaining your foundational values. Think: career/income, a tidy home, and plenty of time in nature. Money is in this category for me: on its own, it’s worthless, but when it helps me cover my basic needs, it’s priceless. The final and smallest section consists of bonus/optional values. Optional values are like icing on a cake. They add value to your life, but not having them won’t prevent you from living well. Think: hobbies like writing, listening to podcasts, watching films, etc.

Breaking your life into these sections does two things. First, it helps you focus your limited energy on the activities that best serve the most important areas of your life. It also gives you a place to start if you’re feeling overwhelmed and aren’t sure where to begin. Second, it helps you keep your worries in perspective. If you’re prone to anxiety, you can ask yourself, “Are the things I’m worried about foundational? Or am I sweating the optional stuff?”

You’ll notice that during my depressive episodes, my criteria for what constitutes a good day consist solely of foundational habits. When I’m at peak functioning, I add in supplemental and bonus activities. Because of my hypersensitivity, I know I have to be extra vigilant about keeping my foundations covered because I can very quickly fall into pits of despair that are difficult to climb out of. And because those foundations often take more effort for me to cover than others, I’ve had to tighten my definition of a “good day” just to feel content with my life. And that’s okay.

Now, back to the original question. What are your criteria for having a good day? Do they include your foundational values, or something else entirely? Is your current definition working for you, or do you need to revisit it? I’d love to hear from you.

Yours in Better Days,

Mina

P.S. Parts of this essay were inspired by and adapted from a YouTube video by clinical psychologist Dr. Scott Eilers. Check it out below! The values chart exercise starts around 6:07.